<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<!--
                                                                                     
 h       t     t                ::       /     /                     t             / 
 h       t     t                ::      //    //                     t            // 
 h     ttttt ttttt ppppp sssss         //    //  y   y       sssss ttttt         //  
 hhhh    t     t   p   p s            //    //   y   y       s       t          //   
 h  hh   t     t   ppppp sssss       //    //    yyyyy       sssss   t         //    
 h   h   t     t   p         s  ::   /     /         y  ..       s   t    ..   /     
 h   h   t     t   p     sssss  ::   /     /     yyyyy  ..   sssss   t    ..   /     
                                                                                     
	<https://y.st./>
	Copyright © 2017 Alex Yst <mailto:copyright@y.st>

	This program is free software: you can redistribute it and/or modify
	it under the terms of the GNU General Public License as published by
	the Free Software Foundation, either version 3 of the License, or
	(at your option) any later version.

	This program is distributed in the hope that it will be useful,
	but WITHOUT ANY WARRANTY; without even the implied warranty of
	MERCHANTABILITY or FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. See the
	GNU General Public License for more details.

	You should have received a copy of the GNU General Public License
	along with this program. If not, see <https://www.gnu.org./licenses/>.
-->
<!DOCTYPE html>
<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml">
	<head>
		<base href="https://y.st./en/weblog/2017/09-September/11.xhtml"/>
		<title>Am I actually attractive? &lt;https://y.st./en/weblog/2017/09-September/11.xhtml&gt;</title>
		<link rel="icon" type="image/png" href="/link/CC_BY-SA_4.0/y.st./icon.png"/>
		<link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="/link/main.css"/>
		<script type="text/javascript" src="/script/javascript.js"/>
		<meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width"/>
	</head>
	<body>
<nav>
	<p>
		<a href="/en/coursework/">Coursework</a> |
		<a href="/en/take-down/">Take-down requests</a> |
		<a href="/en/">Home</a> |
		<a href="/en/a/about.xhtml">About</a> |
		<a href="/en/a/contact.xhtml">Contact</a> |
		<a href="/a/canary.txt">Canary</a> |
		<a href="/en/URI_research/"><abbr title="Uniform Resource Identifier">URI</abbr> research</a> |
		<a href="/en/opinion/">Opinions</a> |
		<a href="/en/law/">Law</a> |
		<a href="/en/recipe/">Recipes</a> |
		<a href="/en/a/links.xhtml">Links</a> |
		<a href="/en/weblog/2017/09-September/11.xhtml.asc">{this page}.asc</a>
	</p>
	<hr/>
	<p>
		Weblog index:
		<a href="/en/weblog/memories">Memories</a> |
		<a href="/en/weblog/"><abbr title="American Standard Code for Information Interchange">ASCII</abbr> calendars</a> |
		<a href="/en/weblog/index_ol_ascending.xhtml">Ascending list</a> |
		<a href="/en/weblog/index_ol_descending.xhtml">Descending list</a>
	</p>
	<hr/>
	<p>
		Jump to entry:
		<a href="/en/weblog/2015/03-March/07.xhtml">&lt;&lt;First</a>
		<a rel="prev" href="/en/weblog/2017/09-September/10.xhtml">&lt;Previous</a>
		<a rel="next" href="/en/weblog/2017/09-September/12.xhtml">Next&gt;</a>
		<a href="/en/weblog/latest.xhtml">Latest&gt;&gt;</a>
			</p>
			<hr/>
</nav>
		<header>
			<h1>Am I actually attractive?</h1>
			<p>Day 00919: <time>Monday, 2017 September 11</time></p>
		</header>
<section id="general">
	<h2>General news</h2>
	<p>
		I was thinking about my gayness today, and I came up with an interesting theory..
		As I discussed before, I think my gayness comes from a gay gene present on my X chromosome.
		In females, this gene is supposed to cause higher birth rates; women with it tend to produce too many children, like both my mother and her mother did.
		In males though, this gene has a feminising effect, turning us gay.
		This is one of three theoretical reasons for gay males to exist that I&apos;ve come across, and the other two don&apos;t fit my situation whatsoever.
		Gayness in males can also be linked to left-handedness or ambidexterity, neither of which I have.
		I tried to <strong>*become*</strong> ambidextrous, but I was never fully successful in that, and signs of my gayness date back further than even my earliest attempts, so there&apos;s no relation there.
		Lastly, it&apos;s believed that the more male children a female has, the better her body becomes at fighting off their masculinity and feminising them, making a male with more older brothers more likely to be gay than a male with fewer.
		I&apos;m the eldest child of my mother, so that doesn&apos;t apply.
		Though why a woman&apos;s body would try to fight off the masculinity of her child is something I don&apos;t really understand.
	</p>
	<p>
		Anyway, I used to want to be female.
		These feelings are gone now, and I&apos;m fine with my body as it is.
		I mean, I wouldn&apos;t mind it being more androgynous, so people couldn&apos;t tell my sex (and therefore wouldn&apos;t assume my gender) just by looking at me, but if I had to choose between being male and being female, I&apos;d probably choose being male, despite the increased difficulty in finding a boyfriend in this body.
		I wonder though if my former desire to be female didn&apos;t come only from wanting to be with a male.
		I wonder if part of it was the feminising effect of that gene.
		One of its effects might be an increase in the desire to bear children, and to do that, the first step would be to be born female.
		I failed to do that, as I have a Y chromosome, so maybe some part of my instincts caused me to lament that fact.
		I was never interested in transitioning (until I started breaking my mind not too long ago).
		Instead, I always thought that I wished I&apos;d been born female, but it wasn&apos;t worth the surgery (I only knew about the surgery at the time, not the hormones), so I&apos;d stay as I was.
		The surgery wouldn&apos;t&apos;ve made me a <strong>*fertile*</strong> female though, so it wouldn&apos;t&apos;ve been something I&apos;d instinctually desire.
		At least, that&apos;s what I&apos;m thinking might&apos;ve been going on.
	</p>
	<p>
		The dating site I&apos;m registered for claims I&apos;m hot, and that I&apos;m one of the most attractive people registered, according to the statistical metrics they&apos;re using based on other people&apos;s browsing of profiles.
		Is it true though?
		I&apos;m kind of thinking it might be a ploy to get me to use the site more often.
		Or maybe people find my profile interesting because it&apos;s a new one, and they&apos;ve already looked through the old ones.
		Then again, I have no way to know.
		Maybe I fill a niche that people are looking for.
		If that were truly the case though, I&apos;d be able to find better matches than I was finding.
		I mean, my profile specifically says I&apos;m not interested in pretty much everyone I saw online based on their characteristics.
		For example, there were many several drug users, religious people, and non-vegans, and my profile says I&apos;m not interested in any of these three groups.
		I mean, just ruling out non-vegans alone rules out pretty much everyone, as does ruling out non-religious people.
		Put that on top of the fact I&apos;m looking for a gay male, a member of yet a third minority group ... why would anyone be interested in me?
		I might loosen up my criteria later, but for now, I don&apos;t have time to date.
		If a perfect match comes along, I&apos;ll want to know about him, but otherwise, I need to focus on my studies for the time being.
	</p>
	<p>
		My <a href="/a/canary.txt">canary</a> still sings the tune of freedom and transparency.
	</p>
</section>
<section id="university">
	<h2>University life</h2>
	<p>
		I feel like I&apos;m running late, but I finally finished all the assigned reading material for the week.
		I still need to write my discussion posts though and research privacy issues found on the Internet.
	</p>
</section>
		<hr/>
		<p>
			Copyright © 2017 Alex Yst;
			You may modify and/or redistribute this document under the terms of the <a rel="license" href="/license/gpl-3.0-standalone.xhtml"><abbr title="GNU&apos;s Not Unix">GNU</abbr> <abbr title="General Public License version Three or later">GPLv3+</abbr></a>.
			If for some reason you would prefer to modify and/or distribute this document under other free copyleft terms, please ask me via email.
			My address is in the source comments near the top of this document.
			This license also applies to embedded content such as images.
			For more information on that, see <a href="/en/a/licensing.xhtml">licensing</a>.
		</p>
		<p>
			<abbr title="World Wide Web Consortium">W3C</abbr> standards are important.
			This document conforms to the <a href="https://validator.w3.org./nu/?doc=https%3A%2F%2Fy.st.%2Fen%2Fweblog%2F2017%2F09-September%2F11.xhtml"><abbr title="Extensible Hypertext Markup Language">XHTML</abbr> 5.2</a> specification and uses style sheets that conform to the <a href="http://jigsaw.w3.org./css-validator/validator?uri=https%3A%2F%2Fy.st.%2Fen%2Fweblog%2F2017%2F09-September%2F11.xhtml"><abbr title="Cascading Style Sheets">CSS</abbr>3</a> specification.
		</p>
	</body>
</html>

